Figuring it out as I go.....

I have a friend on the East Coast who inspires me. We don't see each other often, so we make use of the occasional phone call, Facebook or email contact. I'm glad she has set up a webpage where I can track her progress. And it's because of her writings that I've decided to get back to my blog. Oh, I'm writing my personal history, I'm journaling for myself and posterity, but something's still missing. I need to express myself in a way that will bring comment from others, perhaps...or in a way that just doesn't naturally flow into my journal. Whatever it is, I am hoping that the sporadic blogging will clear the logjam in my mind. Right now, no water seems to getting through!


Wow...where to begin? My last post was in 2009, just as I had decided to write online as an Examiner. I was pretty fired-up at the opportunity to positively influence the lives of others towards health. I don't know how much good my articles did. I often think that although my head is stuffed full of "health facts", I am not very successful at translating them into concete actions. Yes, I massage. Yes, I see the clients who come to consult with me as a naturopathic doctor. Yes, I counsel friends and relatives when they ask for my help. Yes, I offer myself for classes at church, health food stores, and such. But it all seems to be such a shot in the dark. Perhaps it's because I recognize the great need there is for a more healthy attitude among those with whom I share this planet. Suffering is all around me, and I have answers. But most people don't really want to know. So, when I offer classes, few show up. I wonder, "What's the use in preparing...I already know this stuff! I must be wasting my time."


I've hit the wall. After years of schooling, I'm finally "out" -- prepared for the work, and the work isn't there! The Examiner site seemed to satisfy for awhile, but then Examiner changed the format so I had to write every article from a local standpoint. My business isn't always local -- health doesn't adhere to regions! What I represent is global. So, I had a hard time bringing everything to the local level. I grew discouraged. Examiner WAS working for me when I could write on a national level, but even then I wondered if anyone was listening.


Is anybody out there? Was my training all for nothing but myself? I can't seem to find my place. That's what it boils down to. My extensive and expensive training seems to be somewhat wasted -- and I wonder if I'm wasting my life. Those few people I work with are grateful; I do have regular clients. But I could be so much more effective. How? That's the question.


It's more than my work, though. I seem to be having an all-around identity crisis. I was motoring along, fairly content, even with the lack of audience for my skills, when I was released from playing the organ at church a couple of months ago. Wow -- I was surprised at how fast and furiously the knockout punch was delivered. And it seems that everything else in life has fallen, domino-effect, since that happened. It seems that a big part of my identity was tied up in being the ward organist. I always suspected that it was a very important thing for me to do, but I had no idea that I would crash and burn if it was no longer available to me. Perhaps it was a husband substitute since Phil died?


Where do I go from here? Where do I fit in? Yes, I have another place in the ward family -- I've been a family history consultant for some time, for which I teach a Sunday School class. But where do I sit in the congregation for Sacrament Meeting now that I don't sit at or by the organ? How do I feel that I can share my uniqueness -- that I have a place or something meaningful to give? I don't think I'd be taking this as hard if Phil could sit beside me in church, the way he used to do. It's probably not healthy to have so much of ones' identity tied up in being someone's wife. But maybe mine is. Being a family history consultant doesn't provide me with the same satisfaction that being the organist did. Although sitting in the congregation does have some advantages, I'd gladly trade it for the organ bench and the inconvenience of not being able to talk to people before or after the meeting. And I'd sure as heck rather be playing the organ than singing! I used to love to sing, but it's getting more difficult with age.


So, is it the music that I love to share -- or is it something else? Do I just like to perform--be in the spotlight? It's true that I have no trouble giving talks at church (or elsewhere), I have no nervousness playing the organ. I even sat down "cold" to the organ in the Tabernacle on Temple Square and played with no nervousness! I don't always claim the spotlight, but I'm comfortable, usually, filling those positions. Why is it, then, that I rarely speak up in any classroom situation? I usually always have good comments. Hmmmm....I've tried to figure that one out for years and haven't gotten anywhere. Any ideas, anyone?


In answer to my own question above, I can say that I DO love to share my music. That's certainly part of it. I'm wondering, though, if the Lord wasn't listening all those times when I told him how grateful I was to be ward organist. Abandoned...forgotten....disillusioned. A little of all three, I suppose. I know this is a test of some kind. I won't lose my faith in the Lord over it, but I sure do wonder how I'm going to get past this.


I'm still playing the organ in the temple twice a week, which helps. I've also decided to buy an organ for my home. Those things help, of course, but they still don't stop me from feeling uncomfortable and even angry on Sunday when I have to sit in the meeting and hear someone else play the organ. I'm figuring it out as I go, but it's sure taking a long time. I wonder if I have enough life left to get this lesson learned. It's one of my more challenging trials, for sure.

Examiner!

I have a new passion in life--and a new way to introduce myself to the audience looking for natural healthcare. A friend invited me to become an Examiner. What's an Examiner, you say? It's a person who is an "ahem..." authority (?) on a particular subject. I'm the Salt Lake City Holistic Healthcare Examiner.

I have a web presence where I can post articles relating to the field I am most familiar with (see above), get exposure, AND get paid for writing about my passion!

See the link to check me out! Visit often...I have lots to share!

Elderberry Syrup

Because I've struggled with bronchial issues (bronchitis, asthma) most of my life--however FINALLY outgrowing asthma!--I've always been interested in things to do to keep myself healthier and hopefully avoid the seemingly inevitible October bronchitis attack. While studying herbs, I learned how useful elderberries are for this purpose. In fact, if you look on the labels of many cold-care remedies in the health food store, you'll find elderberries listed in one form or another.

Wild elderberry bushes grew all along one edge of our farm in Illinois. Phil taught me how to harvest the berries, I bought a steam juicer, and voila! We had our own elderberry juice to use. I made elderberry pancake syrup and jelly.

When I moved here, I realized that my elderberry source had been left behind, so I planted a few elderberry bushes. I haven't had much of a crop until now, but this year I had lots of berries. Those bushes will continue to grow, and my harvest will continue to be abundant. To the right is a picture of some of the berries I picked. This is the top half of my steamer juicer. The thing I like about it is that it gently extracts the juice from the berries and leaves all the pulp behind. The picture below, left is of the entire unit (without the top) ready for extraction.

Once I had extracted the juice, I measured it and added an equal amount of raw honey to it. Then I gently kept it warm (very low temperature) while I sterilized my bottles. Once the bottles were ready, I poured the juice into them, applied the caps, and waited for sealing. The first picture on my blog shows the results of my first harvesting. A second harvest (about a week later) yielded the same results. My bushes aren't even full-grown yet! I'm excited to be able to get this much elderberry syrup year after year.

Now what will I do with it? I'll keep all but one in my basement. Starting October 1st, I'll take 1 tsp. every day, keeping the opened bottle refrigerated. If I sense some lung congestion or any other signs of respiratory distress, I'll double or even triple the dose. Entirely safe, good-tasting, and therapeutic. Safe for children over the age of one, too. The raw honey adds anti-bacterial support, as well.

Pears, beautiful pears!

I've never picked pears--until today. Amy has a friend with two trees, so she and I picked pears to can, put in the dehydrator, and to eat!

I didn't know that you're supposed to pick pears green on the trees. If they're allowed to ripen on the tree, they get mushy in the middle. So.......in addition to these beautiful ones that are ripe now, I also have 3 paper bags of pears ripening on the floor of my kitchen, as follows:

There's a lot of good eatin' there! Thanks for sharing, Amy!

I also got to spend a little time today with my two granddaughters, whom I don't see as often as I'd like. That little one looks just like her Mom as a baby...it's wonderful to hold her because it takes me back 35 years or so. Funny how things like that happen, isn't it? Suddenly, I'm no longer almost 60, but in my mid-20's. I think inside I'm still in my mid-20's all the time; it's just the exterior that's looking older. Hopefully my personality and character are maturing, as well.

I love preserving food. I've been doing it for a long time. I especially like using my newest dehydrator, the Excalibur. Amy's using the one I had all her growing-up years. It's still in perfect working order and I'm glad she's putting it to good use. She had free plums in it today. That's what I do when I get free fruit; stick it in the dehydrator. Some of these pears will make excellent fruit leather.

It's been a long, long time

Like the song of the above title, it HAS been a long, long time since I've thought about blogging. I recently was reminded that my daughter, Amy, has a very up-to-date and informative blog. Even though I don't spend nearly as much time with her as I would like, I feel that I can keep in touch with her life by reading her experiences through her blog.

I know there are many people that follow Amy's blog. She writes well, and she writes things that people are interested in! I don't know that I do that as well as my daughter does. I try. I hope there are people out there who want to follow my life, although I often wonder why they'd want to. Amy's life is full of her children. My children are grown and gone. My life is only filled with the work I do (which is important work, but isn't all-consuming) and trying to get a handle on all this family history stuff! Seems that between those two activities, my days fly by.

Oh, and then there's the upcoming big "Six-O" party, mid-September. That's taken a lot of planning, which has been absolutely the funnest! OK, I know "funnest" probably isn't a word, but that's how I feel. I feel child-like. It's a pirate party and I'm going to celebrate!

Anyway, back to the reason for trying to be better at blogging. Just in case anybody wants to know what's going on in my life, the important parts should be here. You COULD get to know me better if you read my posts. Maybe I could get to know myself better, as well. We'll see...

Just me, folks, but better

This picture is the result of a trick I learned from Ellen. She holds the camera a little ways from her face and snaps picture after picture until she gets a view she likes. When asked to supply a photo for a website offering my massage services for Gerson Therapies in Utah, I did the same! My friend (the webmaster) changed the background from stark white--wish I knew how to do that) and voila! What do you think? I'm quite pleased. Well....it's just me, but better!

What's New?

Something exciting happened today! I went to D.I. "What's exciting about that?" you say. It's exciting because I went looking for something particular and found it--only better. Renee' asked me to be the storytelling witch at her ward Halloween party again this year, and I decided to upgrade my costume. I went looking for a "witch dress", and boy, did I find one! It's got the biggest sleeves that hang way down (no, not over my writsts--they hang down from all along the length of the arm--and they are jagged cut, as is the hem of the dress. It looks really "vampy"--I got the buckle shoes, too, Amy, along with the orange striped sox. I feel very "in character" with all this new garb. Now, all I need is a few yards of that spider-web fabric for my cape. Oh yes, I bought a green rubber nose complete with warts! Witch make-over! Picture to follow, when all is complete. You now, with my hair turning grayer and grayer every year, I think it's about time to dispense with the fake hair and just use my own...what do you all think?